I think the following is called a proof (or something like that). I learned about them at some point in my life…perhaps in college, perhaps in high school, perhaps both places. My memory involving my education is not all that clear. I know I received one, because I am pretty smart, and I have the student loans to prove it, but the details are vague at best. Anyhow, here goes what I am calling a proof:
I love cars.
I do not love my Chevy Impala.
My Impala is not a car.
What’s not to love about a 2003 Chevrolet Impala? Glad you asked!
I started to write detailed descriptions with nifty stories about the little pitfalls our transportation has given us over the years, but it was becoming a book. So here is a list of details outlining why our “car that’s not a car” sucks:
-Battery dies every night due to some electrical problem having to do with the radio.
-Radio stopped working for a while, which led to the car starting more often. I fixed the radio and now I get to jump start the car every morning...again.
-Passenger side foot area fills with about 2-4 inches of water every time we get heavy rain and park on the slightest left to right slope. The leak is near the fuse box…which probably has something to do with the electrical problem.
-The driver door creaks when I open it. Thank you to the Forest Hills’ driver who stopped his car, threw it in reverse and smashed into me!
-The front right wheel got cracked in a small winter-related accident and now doesn’t match the other wheels.
-A couple of weeks ago the HVAC stopped working, so there is no heat, air, defrost, etc.
-It has all sorts of numbers written on the windshield in various shades of crayon from the many times it was towed.
-The back right door handle snapped off a while ago. Now there is a little stump of a lever left that you have to pull up with the tips of your fingers while you pull out on the door.
-We owe about $2000 more on the loan than the car is worth.
So that is why, based on the proof, my car is not a car. HOWEVER, this mode of transportation, whatever it is, gets me to work everyday (because once it starts, it runs great). I am able to listen to Scott and Todd in the morning because I fixed the radio, and I get a healthy dose of fresh (wet) air when I roll the windows down to defog the windshield, and it is fairly affordable, assuming nothing major happens in the next two years. PS. If you are looking to buy a car in about 2 years, I have a great one for sale…near perfect condition!
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When Mindy starts to get stressed about the car, I always say that the first rule about the car is: don't talk about the car.
ReplyDeleteBut. This was written in such a great, darkly comedic way-- I'm kind of glad you talked about the car. (But not glad the car causes you so much difficulty.)
We want to get a new car in about a year. Think I'll pass on the Impala. Thanks for the laugh.
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